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sunrise said:
Pinksoil, that's wonderful that you had such an amazing session. I think I would have had the exact same reaction you did if my T started discussing phone sessions with me.

I had my session today too. I shared some stuff that I had been holding back from T but that had to come out. Some bad stuff. He said, why didn't you tell me this before? I felt like he was kind of disturbed, maybe even appalled, and he said as we ended our session, "I'm going to have to think about this." He's never said that to me before. It's kind of scary. The whole session was kind of scary. As people who've read my posts here the last couple of months will know, I have a rather idyllic relationship with my T. I just love the guy, he has helped me so much, and our sessions are almost always amazing. I realized at my last session that he was not giving me good advice because I had been withholding certain information from him, so I spilled it this time to remedy that dissonance. Now, I feel like we've left the Garden of Eden or something. The idyllic phase is in the past. I don't even know how our sessions will be from now on. I feel like we can't go back to what it was like before. If I'm being cryptic, I'm sorry. I'm a bit rattled.

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Sunrise-- Wow. Wow. Were we in each other's sessions? lol... That's what I talked about with my T. I told him that I idealize him, and that if I told him certain things, or if I admitted that I am angry or frustrated with him, that would "ruin" our relationship in my eyes... I told him it was like putting a big, black streak over a perfect painting. That it was too risky for me. You are not being cryptic, I understand exactly what you mean.