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paynful · Feb 26, 2014, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Curupira

Thanks for this. I am not so much trying to hide my depression from her as try to insulate her from its effects. I am not sure I am explaining that right but oh well.

I am trying to balance several different things here and feel like I am failing miserably. I know children with depressed parents are at higher risk for depression. This is not something I want to pass on. I was raised by a father that willfully inflicted the nastier parts of his mental inlness on his family all while refusing any kind of treatment. Becoming like him in any way terrifies me.

And then there is just plain old mommy guilt. Wanting to do the best for my child always feeling like it is not enough and on days when she or I are having a particularly bad day I feel like a complete failure.

I want so much for her to be happy and healthy and wonderfully herself. And I want so badly to protectand care for her till such a timeas she is ready to go out and take on the world.

I absolutely understand what you are trying to explain (or at least, I think I do).

It is a very delicate balance between being and honoring yourself while still projecting the best message/image for your daughter. There is a lot of pressure there on top of your mommy guilt. Try not to let it weigh you down.

Support is important.

And don't forget that when she is old enough, your daughter will become a part of your support system.. as you have been her's her whole life.

Where there is a want and will... the heart will follow.

You may not succeed gloriously everyday, but you still want what is best for her everyday. That DOES count for something.

This might not sound encouraging, but... even from the "messed up" parts of my childhood, my experiences are the sum of my whole. If I didn't see and experience my parents' troubles, I would be even more ill-equiped to handle my own. I use it all. I am more prepared for life. I know what I do want and what I don't want. Just as you took and left pieces of your childhood into adulthood, your daughter will have what she needs.

Depression can be genetic and habits can be learned from parents, but that doesn't mean that you aren't giving her the "tools" to live a healthy and happy life. You ARE showing her an example of how to better your life even as you are struggling. Have faith in yourself!!

Just by reading how much you care and try, makes me tear up. Your love is obvious. Even in all your worrying (and I would say because of it), you did good today.

You are who she needs. Your daughter will be who she is MEANT to be.