thanks for all the caring responses,

i have been feeling that i need to make "a clean break" lately too... since her replies were becoming more vague and less frequent

when she broke up with me she was with someone else, which she probably is still with him..

i am seeing a therapist but we haven't talked about it much, i guess theres so much mud covering all these things up my T is probably having difficult time with me!

i feel as if i don't know how to find or make new friendships much less a relationship, all i've been trying to do lately is let myself be myself and open up so i can be myself, if that makes sense

i live in the sticks and im extremely introverted, im not bad looking but have terrible self esteem.. and confidence in myself, i have been patient with myself through the hurt but i figured that if i grieve for 1 year every for every year i was with her i would heal.. but now i guess im starting to realize if i just sit here and do nothing, and just wait for something to change, its not gonna happen.. but i dont really know how to make these positive changes now since its been so so long

i just drag myself to the doctors appointments and therapist hoping that i can find the light at the end of the tunnel because god knows im running down a dark tunnel and looking for it!

thanks again for the support