At 9 or 10, an older boy who lived downstairs, 14-15 tried to do something to me when I was on the bed, I was too young to understand, but I am ashamed to admit that i remember it feeling good. Don't know what he would have done to me if my mom hadn't stopped him. My mom thought he was wrestling me, but he wasn't.

I initially had a pleasant memory of it but, six years later, after some research, and after reading about other kids that went throug this, I realized what this kid tried to do to me, I was so angry and ashamed of myself.

What's even worse was at age 12-13, I got bullied a lot, and one of my bullies touched my thighs, and i got aroused down there, he noticed it, so he called his buddies and was like 'hey look at this', and he showed them all. they'd all get in on the act, sometimes i would wet myself when they touched me, further adding to my humiliation. This sort of directly led to my discovery of 'self-joy' at night. I am too ashamed to tell you everything the bullies did to me, they'd poke me in the.... anyway, but the bullying stopped at 14, when i grew.

There was this phase where i had no control, at the swimming pool, in the rest rooms, in the showers.