When I first got a hug from main T, it was in my 20's and we had a horrible rupture-y session…I was pacing and bawling my eyes out and he spontaneously held me. It was very healing for me, but I was startled, even scared, by his actions. He later apologized and said he made a mistake--he absolutely should have asked first.

After that, he said I had to ask for one if I needed it, it had to be for me not him, We had to talk about why and the meaning of the request, we had to talk about it to death to be sure I wasn't avoiding words, but in the end he will give me a hug under those guidelines.

I must say, exploring other gestures of caring was so important for me to learn. Sometimes he would not indulge me if he felt I was avoiding talking about how I was feeling. But I think he was trying to teach me a broader language of caring. Among many other things---he would lend me books, we would switch off getting each other coffee, we would go for walks, he would teach me practical things, he would use a soothing voice before jumping to anything physical.

This all helped me in my life to notice the myriad of forms care can take. Without his methods, I would be locked into thinking only hugs=love.

So maybe you and your T could try different things? Can you try her suggestions but of course let her know if it is trigger-y. Maybe you can both brainstorm about this.

My CBT T, on the other hand, only shook my hand in the beginning. But when he gets emotionally involved he will lean closer, or I can tell he is a lot more engaged in what I am saying when he stretches out his leg towards my chair, and his foot rests on the outer leg of my chair. Not even sure he's aware of it. But I am glad I learned to "look for evidence" of care. (because as one comedian put it, "love without evidence…is……stalking." Love that line!)