Ahhhh the joys a being a new member haha. No worries And I'm glad it helped in some way.

My sister's relationship was kind of ridiculous from the start. He called around 14 times a day even when they first started but my family thought it was just a stupid little quirk because he had a bad breakup with his last girlfriend. It wasn't until he came over for thanksgiving dinner and was insulting her intelligence and didn't often let her talk that I realized something was very off. He also threw a hissy fit right in front of my mom when my sister had done a small thing wrong. It got me thinking for a long time and I had realized that for the past few years he was stopping her from seeing a lot of her friends (isolation) and taking down her confidence while always convincing her he was right. I was terrified at what had happened because if he wasn't afraid to yell at her in front of us, what was he doing to her when we weren't looking?

It was a really difficult conversation to have with my sister because she backed up her boyfriend a lot (which is what a good girlfriend does but not in this situation). Especially since confrontation was one of her weakest points, a lot of the things that he said to upset her, she was too terrified to bring up since he never really backed down. She was talking about how she had it under control and how she did win a few arguments from time to time but I asked if they were the really important ones. Because I had seen some of the long ones and it would go on for days until she gave in. And how she didn't seem as energetic anymore because the sister I knew was bouncy as sunshine and ridiculously silly and confident. She had become quiet and much more reserved and it made me so sad. Especially because my sister is such a role model for me in terms of intelligence and strength, to see her at one of her lowest points was really the worst.

In the end I just pointed out a lot of his problemsome behavior and told her it really wasn't okay and either she had to fight it with him or finish and leave him. My main mission was to make her more aware of the things occurring and let her observe it herself. Because even though I hated it happening to my sister, I knew if she really became aware she would fight it and then really know the warning signs in future relationships. My sister is a strong girl and so I told her that she had my support for the relationship if she really demanded it but that wouldn't make me stop pointing out how rude he was to her at times and if she wouldn't fight for herself I would. She went back to her apartment with a lot to think about and talked to her high school and college friends about the issue. It took a while and it definitely didn't help that my dad got so angry he sent a really nasty email to her boyfriend. After that my sister didn't talk to us for a few months. Eventually though, the email and talks became a catalyst for her to watch his behavior and how it affected her. I'm really proud to say she got out of the relationship herself with the support of her family and friends. She truly is very strong. It's extremely difficult to break out of those kinds of relationship but in the end, love is supposed to pull you up and make you better, not bring you to your knees and make you cry. Your lover is supposed to be your advocate.

I can happily say she's with a new boyfriend who is sweet but kind of a goof. He also calls a lot but they work through their issues through discussion and he really thinks she's much smarter than he is and is lucky to have her. She also cuts him off when she wants to say something and he'll pout but smile when he listens to her and I think it's off to a great start so far.

Sorry I can only provide a family sort of perspective but I hope this helped in some way. You've already recognized some of the problems which is a lot of the battle. Best of luck and as always, feel free to talk to me