From what I gather, the DBT and trauma therapy are the two types of therapy you need the most, yet you also run from them literally and figuratively. At some point you are going to have to decide to take that leap of faith and trust that the process of these therapies will lead you forward a bit at a time. It isn't going to happen quickly. It isn't going to happen easily. It is going to be frustrating and frightening and sometimes you will feel like you don't know what you are doing. But if you don't even start the process or commit to working through it, you really aren't going to make any forward movement.