The last time I cried to my boyfriend on the phone about the arguments with my family...he told me that it was too much for him to handle. Which is understandable I guess because I suppose he is dealing with his own issues (which he doesn't tell me about).

Yesterday I cried a little bit on the phone (like silently), but I told him what was wrong. I asked him a question "if he thought I was manipulative" like my mother said I was. He said he doesn't know. So he must mean that it could be either right? I stayed calm and didn't blow up or cry more...but I felt hurt because I wanted a straight answer. Then he stayed silent on the phone like the whole conversation was uninteresting or like he was not in the mood to talk. I told him we could "talk" later. Two hours later, I felt better and asked him if he felt the same. He said he was ok...but I can't help but feel like he's disconnected from me or something. So I asked him again if he can open up to me...or if it was something I did. I told him about how he said that my depressed state was too much for him to handle...and I said that if someone were to cry to you about their troubles, that indicates trust. But he shut down and told me that he's not going to say anything to me anymore, that I like everyone against me, and that he's DONE.

I asked why he was done. Why? What I did, and how come he wouldn't tell me why he was upset. He wouldn't answer my calls and just replied with one text saying to give him time.

So I'm concluding that I've been dumped. Go me for completely destroying a relationship. I know that most people with depression are very closed off and hide their emotions...but I'm the exact opposite. I lay all my emotions out, I cry to people, I get visibly irritated, and I yell. The medication has stopped working so I stopped taking it. Something is deeply wrong with me and it's more than depression. And because I am stupid and don't know what it is...I have lost him.