Hi elevated, yes I'd say talking to your T about it a bit more would be good because all of this is probably holding you back a lot more than you think??
And it may be a really long road but it might just give you just a chink of light at the end of the tunnel, every little helps right??
But this bit: "all i've been trying to do lately is let myself be myself and open up so i can be myself"........that's a great way to go!! I'm guessing it's not all that easy but the more you're working on/doing it the more familiar it's going to get, given time.
And do you think it's going to help a little with your self esteem?? If you're not judging yourself so much, less afraid/reluctant to just be who you are and gradually let people see more of you??
But making friendships (maybe focus on relationships a little further down the line?) can just start bit by bit. Don't go out there thinking I'm going to/I have to make friends, that all sounds a bit intimidating, but rather you're just going to meet/bump into people/be where they are and maybe (if not at first then later) say a few words to them............just lead into things very gradually and see where they go.
So maybe it's just about doing something, even the smallest thing can be really positive in itself, and in time lead onto/build into...............
Alison
P.S It definitely sounds like you deserve more than your ex, so allow yourself some time, some more healing, and one day.................