Ah, a kindred spirit! It took me forever to realize that my mother wasn't actually being 'nice' when she was being nice. I still feel horrible about having to distance myself from her, and I know she doesn't understand it, but -- yeah, the price tag is too high.

We also did not have people over with the exception of my father's weekly jam sessions. My parents would have us hide if anyone knocked at the door, not wanting anyone to see the messy house or to answer the door to bill collectors. As an adult, I almost never invite anyone into my house because it always seems too messy and ugly. Wonder where I got that from? And why it is so hard to change that mind set (and keep my house neater)??

I agree that spending time alone with my cats is better than being a dumping ground for some narcissist monologue. The idea of spending time with most of my 'friends' is a bummer, not something I look forward to. I agree to meet them and then dread the event until it happens, suffer through the two hours, swear I'll never do that again... and then do it again a month later. I'm getting better, but it is still a struggle.

I feel like I don't recognize these people until it is too late and we already have a regular schedule for seeing each other. It really does make me hesitate to develop new friendships, since I hate the feeling of being 'trapped' that comes after.