Sorry for this long thread, I haven't had access to internet lately and I have so much going on.. I need pocket riders for tomorrow
I don't know if this might be triggering but I've put the icon, just in case.
I've started processing trauma recently and I'm feeling really bad. It's like a sudden storm. It's the very first time I try to process it and have no idea how long i will take but I feel really bad already, naked and ashamed. My ed worsened a bit. I want to talk about it but when I get the chance to do it I have no words as I feel really bad complaining to T and all the things I thought during the week just don't come out.

This was such a bad moment to work on it as I don't have time to do any thinking between sessions and sometimes I don't know why I'm at T's office even though I've needed it for a whole week. Last week's session didn't go well, I also realized T comes back just for me on friday night, reopens the office etc., I was a bit early and we arrived together. I felt guilty especially because that session didn't even go well and I though I had her come for nothing, she was tired and I was very confused (and had fever actually - but I didn't know it).

I wanted to cancel tomorrow's session because she asked me to move it up twice as she's obviously going somewhere nicer. I did my best moving everything twice because she's really a wonderful T and always there for me but I feel like seeing me will be the worst thing she has to do tomorrow. I told T there's no problem if she's struggling with her schedule and needs to skip but she said don't worry. I really hope the session goes well. I don't want to mention trauma tomorrow. I don't know what to do, maybe it's this thing I started processing but I feel less than a human and I'm suffering going there. I really like T but I hate her being my secrets' keeper now and I hate needing her and feel like quitting until I feel better on my own (I know, weird). Does anyone relate a bit to this mess, or am I going nuts? Should I quit therapy for a while, like one month..?

Sorry about this and thanks if you read it.