I am so sorry, it sounds as if you loved your grandma very much.

I am glad you can come here, put these feelings down on paper and get validation. Grief is hard in any situation. dealing with family who all have various emotional attachments or lack of them and are in different stages of grief is one of the hardest parts of dealing with with all of this. Sabby is right try to hang on to the good memories and let go of those from your family that are negative. Easy to say and difficult to achieve but worth the effort for the peace it will give you.