...that's how clingy I feel I'm being with my T at the moment I almost don't recognize myself.

It does feel right, for sure. But also y'know. Slightly scary.

She had to cancel today as something happened in the office and said we could talk on the phone. This was fine because we're meeting tomorrow anyway as well...I just texted my latest crisis which is that I had news a relative I'm estranged from is dying and doesn't have much time, and I genuinely don't know if I want to go and see them/ pay my respects. I feel nothing for this person but I've been through enough death to know all kinds of feelings can be stirred up in the maelstrom afterwards, and the one thing I am thankful for is that I feel I did everything I could possibly have done for the people I have lost/ said some important things that needed to be said.

Also today is the first anniversary memorial service for the person who emotionally and psychologically abused me growing up. My family were at this, and I was not, and I felt so weird and tired of everything and so, so alone.

My T sent me some really kind and supportive words back in response to all this, and I felt so thankful for the warmth and for the connection with her. Then in another message she told me she's very unwell- she's fine, but needs medical attention. She told me this because obviously we can't speak on the phone now. She repeated that she was alright (I guess she knows I'll worry!) and although I believe her that she will be okay...Man, I just don't want anything to happen to her. I can't bear to think of her in pain or distress I know she will be fine and she's young and strong. It's just sobering. And again, the contrast in my ****ing inconsiderate family who don't even bother to get in touch with me today at all (much as I do love them) and my therapist who still makes time to communicate with me when she's not feeling well and at the ER.

I'm not sure I have a point to my post really I'm totally fine, not particularly anxious or anything, just noticing feelings aloud more than anything.