Have been treated for depression in the past. Diagnosed in hospital with ocd a while back. Also degenerative disc disease. Herniated disc in 1994. Arthritis has completely eroded that disc as it no longer is visible via an MRI result. I have not had a little doctor care. I am a man. We are taught to suck it up and tough it out and only go to a doctor if it is a life or death situation. I wish I could change. I am trying. Ever since back diagnosis in 94, I have always lived with extreme, I mean extreme paranoia with jobs as far as job security goes. That paranoia probably has not been good for the mind. But it's because I fear for how I will provide for myself. It is was not for the parent, I would be homeless living on the street.
Seriously, my last job when I was fired, I applied for unemployment. Thank God the unemployment appeals hearing was on the phone so I did not have to confront my previous employer, but anyway, he told the claims officer that he had to fire me because he thought that I was going to hurt someone. Now I never ever felt intimated or angry enough to to do something like that, however let me explain what happened. A couple of weeks before I was fired, I had been at work for 7 hours without taking lunch. I decided I needed to go get something because I was almost at migraine stage. I was outside in the parking lot. Boss came out and wanted me to do something during my lunch. I told him I would be right back and do it and told him I was hungry. He cursed at me and honestly, he grabbed me by by arm. Grabbed me by my arm. I absolutely hate anyone touching me, especially when they are pissed off at me and cussing me. That's like someone trying to start a physical confrontation. All I did was snatch my arm out of his hand. He then told me to go to gd lunch. I did and was back in 20 minutes. I think he either thought I would quit (as he closed the business and sold it 3 months after firing me). Anyway, he didn't want to have to pay me unemployment, and threw me under the bus. He wound up telling my coworkers that I cussed him out and they all believed him because he was the town's previous mayor for years.
So all of that really wacked me out as well. But I will admit I have had some anger issues, especially when overly manic. It more or less extreme irritability, and makes me hard to be around.
My therapist told me a month ago that I need disability and should get it because being around people is an issue. I just don't know if I am going to be able to hold it together and get it all started.

Oh yea, the pain with my back issue has been so bad at times I have nearly ended it on 2 or 3 occasions. I've quit jobs due to it. And, I've been fired for verbal outbursts at 2 jobs in last 6 years. And I got real depressed once several years back and kind of forcefully asked my boss at the time for a raise. He instantly rather than firing me, he laid me off. So that would have made 3. That happened in 2005. My hospitalization happened in 1999. So this has all been an ongoing and escalating event.
Thanks for all of your support, encouragement, and concerns. I am so glad that I have found this site.