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Originally Posted by Virginia1991
I began therapy approximately 7 months ago and became attached to my therapist surprisingly quickly. I can really relate to this thread. I have lots of issues regarding touch. I crave it and can be repulsed by it at the same time. I crave touch from nurturing, caring mother figures and cannot be touched at all by men. I am going to explore touch a little bit in therapy. I finally got the courage to ask for a hug and she said she would be happy to do it. I often times want her to sit close to me, put her hand on my back, or hold my hand. I feel ashamed for wanting theses things. My question is to Rainbow/ RTerroni..... What caused us to have these deep rooted needs? I wonder if we all come from similar backgrounds. I had a neglectful mom who would not touch/hug me. Did you guys'?
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I think most who crave touch in therapy have missed it in their past. I'm different from most people who crave it, I think, because I had two loving parents. Somehow, I missed or didn't "take in" their love, and I know that we weren't a very demonstrative family. I don't remember hugs or kisses much, but I know I was loved. Some of my Ts think I was neglected during the first couple of weeks in my life because I was a preemie and was in an incubator in the days when it wasn't known how much newborn babies needed to be held.
Whatever the reason, the needs are there, and like you say, they are deep rooted. My fantasies about therapy have always been to run around the room, crying, so my T would have to physically stop me, and hold me. As if I needed to be out-of-control to ask for comfort and touch! I would be content holding my Ts hand for an entire session! It has to do with early attachment problems, my Ts have said. Maybe my mother and I didn't "fit" right. She was an anxious person so that may have something to do with it. Maybe she couldn't calm me down. I love it when my T helps me be calm.
Don't feel ashamed of your needs. If your Mom didn't touch or hug you, it makes perfect sense that you crave it now. Your T is the perfect person with whom to explore your issues about touch.