It seems that I oscillate between having a great session to having an awful session from week to week. I have only about 10 sessions left with my T because I'm graduating. My one wish is that I can get comfortable with her. Not only do I not make eye contact, but I always sit hunched over so that I don't even fully know what her office looks like. I tried asking my T if I could sit back in the chair once, and that went well, but the next week I didn't feel safe enough to do that. After that week, for the first time ever, my T took charge and said that we're going back to our old pattern, and she asked if I wanted to try sitting on the floor. She guided the entire session and we played a game. It was very surprising to me because my T has always said that the change would have to come from me, but I think she felt the urgency of our small number of sessions left. Sitting on the floor went so well last week that I was looking up a lot more, though still not around the whole room or at her. I finally felt like I knew she cared enough to not let me slip away. I was so confident that today I would be able to look at her if I sat on the floor again. But I just ended up crouched over as always, and I feel devastated because I'm wasting my precious time. What if I should finally admit to myself that this is just the way it's going to be? I'm not going to connect with her in the way that I most want to before my time is up with her. I don't know how I can live with that, but I just don't know why it's so hard for me to allow the connection to happen. I keep "forgetting" that she won't reject me if I try to connect with her. It hurts so much to go and keep failing at this.