I think you need to cut yourself some slack, too. You haven't built a relationship for that long, and now you're faced with it ending which is a time of increased vulnerability. It's natural that your need to protect yourself would be stronger now. It doesn't seem fair to me to use this one action as the only measurement of the success or failure of your therapy. Can you consider other measures of success? If not, perhaps you can ask your T to help you reframe how you're judging your experience.

I do understand the torn feelings of wanting eye contact yet being paralyzed to initiate it. I went through many years with little eye contact. Not at the beginning, but as I let go of the false self, I felt far more vulnerable, and that made me withdraw from eye contact. But I never felt disconnected (though I know my T experienced it in that way) because for me the connection was through his voice. Is it possible that you experience connection in some other way--I wonder about some sort of spatial relationship because you felt more comfortable sitting on the floor.