See that's why I put myself so low also. I almost become mute when depressed. I have a handful of friends that are very close nit but far away. I can keep up appearances in either state but still have intensely recurring homicidal/suicidal thoughts. I play so nicely with others that even living with me it's not completely known. Only the depression is seen and it's so lightly seen that it's usually attributed to laziness but what my husband, pdoc and t see/hear would shock anyone else in my life.