Do you think maybe the fact you haven't truly settled with any one T could be having an impact? You have one foot in the door and one foot out- with both T's.

You haven't properly terminated with your original T, which basically gives you the option of running back to her when it all gets too much elsewhere. Having that option can be good if you do equally good work with your first T, but that's not the case here, you have come to the end of what that T can help you with, the only thing keeping you there is an attachment to her.

I don't think you're ever going to accept a new T and really invest in her until you close the door on going back to your original T.

This must be so exhausting, to not have a secure consistent "therapy home". The Gestalt T really might not be for you personality wise and that's ok if that is truly the case. But at this point you need to be really honest with yourself about what you need versus what you want. You need to hold yourself to account and find somewhere to settle for a while. Cos otherwise, you'll never get the work you so badly need to do, done.