Thanks feralkittymom, I am probably being too harsh. I do tend to push myself and to get frustrated with myself. But I have actually been seeing her for 3 years now, so I don't know if that changes your view of things. It's not exactly a short period of time. But I hadn't even really considered that my need to protect myself would be stronger since we're coming to an end. You're probably right that this is contributing somewhat- I know it will hurt very much, and worse if I end up looking at her. Though I still think it would be worth it.

I thought I would try to make a list of my successes:
-Telling my T all that I did: I did tell her some very difficult things that took a lot of courage. That took an enormous amount of trust in her.
-Trust in my T: I have steadily increased in this, and even made a lot of gains this year after going through some difficult moments with her.
-Being direct with my T: There were a few incidents where I was direct with her, which is usually very difficult for me.
-Working through a rupture
This is all I can really think of. I will try to keep these in mind, but I'm mostly just upset with myself. I think I should talk to my T about it.

I can really relate to what you said about having difficulty with eye contact when you let go of your false self. This is when the problem got a lot worse for me. Thanks for your suggestions!