With an old T i had a real maternal transference, we had that kind of dynamic and in the end she didn't handle it well and terminated. ( that's the short version). I was devastated all last year and it was so heartbreaking, i missed her terribly and somedays i still do.

Fast forward to this new T. I've been seeing her for bout 5 months. I have no attachment to her, no maternal transference nothing. I know she'll never be anything other than my therapist and i'm ok with that. And surprisingly she's actually more maternal in her style than my old T was. She's a warm, supportive therapist, really good at her job, very caring, very open to all emotions, feelings, thoughts, etc i like her a lot. But still she is just my therapist.

After the torture of maternal transference, it does feel healthier not to have it, it's definitely less angst-ridden and i don't have to go thru that unbearable feeling of wishing she could be more to me than she is.

Last week when we had out rupture, i realised i'm not really that attached to her, if the therapy had collapsed, i would be upset because i'm attached to the therapy, to the idea that it's going to help me heal from things and i'd be really sad to lose that but not that sad if i lost my therapist. I would miss her for a couple of weeks maybe and then i'd be fine. Whereas with ExT i was sure i was gonna die without her.

It sounds like i have a healthy attachment to the new T doesn't it? So why doesn't it feel healthy? It feels to me like something is missing, i almost miss the agony of the maternal transference (almost )

I want to feel attached to her, to feel close to her and i do want to talk to her a lot, i like her, i like talking to her and feel cared for in sessions, i talk with ease to her and i think we do have a very good relationship and i trust her and feel fairly secure. But something doesn't feel quite right and i don't know what it is......

MAybe i'm not used to a healthy attachment, if i am indeed healthily attached, i don't know if i am or if i'm in some sort of avoidant/ambivalent state.

Has anyone else had experience of overwhelming maternal transference and then going to a new T and not having that anymore? How did you feel about that?