This T was frustratingly mis-attuned.

I don't blame Owl for getting frustrated and feeling like she couldn't speak up. The T was not getting any of the subtleties of the conversation and was not knowing when to push and when to remain silent.

Not only that, the doubting of the village thing is a way bigger rupture than is acknowledged in session.

I think Ts sometimes apologize and then think it is done with. I once had a rupture with my former T that ended the therapy.

T started with an apology that took five minutes. T validated the concerns he imagined I had, and went on to say that I deserved a different response, and I was right to feel hurt, and yadda yadda and by the time he was done talking, there was nothing left for me to add or say.

I was still feeling shocked and hurt and abandoned and afraid to speak. And I could no longer speak. There was no room for my feelings. I felt like I couldn't even discuss how hurtful it was, and how I was still hurting, because he already apologized for it and so it was like, "Ok let's move on." And so I quit.

So this rupture over the village, I think the T should've had the intuition to say, "Do you want to explore this more?" Or, "How did you even manage to make it into session today knowing that I'd dismissed you like this?" Or explored the bringing in of the picture.

This is huge.

And instead, T gave an apology, defended his original position of being dubious, and they moved on. T asked Owl to be understanding of HIS doubts, rather than letting her go into why it was hurtful.

Finally, we don't go to therapy all fully actualized and knowing what's going on internally at the moment.

It would take someone who was really healthy emotionally to be able to say, in that MOMENT, "This doubting my village thing has me angry and we need to talk about that because I feel like punishing you."

This therapist made a mistake in attunement and should've more deeply explored his own doubts and the bringing of the picture to a session.

Those are my thoughts, reading between the lines and making many assumptions. Disclaimer disclaimer... but still.

I think Owl has a right to be hurt and the therapist really screwed up and missed a chance to own a major mistake. And his mistakes compounded with an apology that moved right into trying to talk about something else.

A more skilled therapist wouldn't have ended the village discussion by moving onto something else so quickly.