Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobbarita
I am BP1, correctly diagnosed in 2007 after my 1st delusional manic episode, which landed me inpatient, (my 1st time) for 5 days. I filed for divorce in August 2012 because he constantly exacerbated my condition. I was emotionally abused. When I gained the necessary self-esteem and courage to end it my p-doc agreed that he could prescribe all the medication in a pharmacy, but as long as I stayed in the marriage it would have no effect. I was married almost 20 years. It is not easy. I don't intend to ever see or speak to him again. The divorce only became final 6 weeks ago and he is already in contempt of court. We had no children together. He ruined the relationship between my daughter, (from a previous 10 year marriage) and I. He even flew to another state to do that. Of course, he never cared about her when we were married. She was "my problem", he said. It's tough. This battle isn't over yet but I have peace and quiet rather than argumentation, criticism, intimidation, humiliation, and sarcasm hurled at me daily. The 1st week I was in my own apartment I couldn't put my finger on it, but something besides my ex was missing. It was the constant, daily abuse. That's how "conditioned" I had become. I KNOW what my diagnosis is, and I'm compliant with meds and therapy. He is a sick and angry man with mental issues, no diagnosis, and no medication. I'm so glad I ended it. I'm going to work on healing and "re-inventing" myself and possibly find a loving, healthy, empathetic partner in the future. I'm over it. You will be too and be better off for it. Both you and your child deserve better.
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Thank you for sharing this. I think you made me aware of something. I had a child already too, when we married, and yes he was emotionally abusing and called him a waste of space, etc., he was a sick person, is a sick person, my ex. But what you made me realize, as I left him and got my own apartment, was something was missing. The abuse. I don't miss it, but its strange at the same time. I keep abusing myself with my own thoughts, except they aren't my thoughts, they were put in me, as a child, then as an adult by my abusers.
I also want to "re-invent" myself, and find exactly what you said, a healthy empathetic understanding partner. I first have to stop the self sabotage. Hugs to you, I'm glad you are over things and I wish you a better future.