I kind of had the opposite experience where previous therapy abuse left me very mistrustful of male Psychiatrists. It didn't matter how nice my Pdoc was, or how much I enjoyed the sessions, or what I was getting out of them - every time I left there was this little voice in my head telling me to 'watch out, don't trust him, he's still a Psychiatrist, remember Psychiatrist mess with your head and hurt you'. I kept myself at a distance, and held parts of myself back, because deep down I expected history to repeat itself. Do you think you might be doing the same, subconsciously, to either have history replay itself because therapy doesn't feel right without that intensity, or because you're scared of history repeating itself, you're securely attached now, but what if the transference stuff starts up again? Just something to think about.