After my really bad session two weeks ago I didn't really want to go back today, but did anyway. Things started off pretty badly before I even got there: I was a parked a block down the road and ten minutes before my session time it started raining. So I decided to try and find a closer parking space... Of course none was available, but I saw a guy from my DBT group get of the bus and head to T's office. I was pretty p*ssed as I assumed T had gotten the times mixed up and booked both of us together. Then after making an u-turn to go back to my previous parking space I see T casually walking to her office.... I don't really know why but this made me angry again.
Well after I've finally parked at my exact previous spot, I walk to her office making up the arguement I would have with her... and I felt pretty stupid when I found out she had arrived this late to the office because her first client of the morning had cancelled, and that the guy from my group was only there to pick up a script...

Luckily I calmed down quickly and I don't think she noticed anything. Anyway she started the session by telling me we had to talk about something: last week she spent 3 days at a DBT training session, and presented my case to her supervisor as she felt we weren't making much progress lately. What came out is that she didn't realize how big an impact the fact i still sleep in the room the csa happenned in has on my daily life. And that by talking to her supervisor, she realized that even though she was getting frustrated, I was dealing with the situation to the best of my abilities and that basically as long as i live there I won't be able to make anymore progress.

I felt so good when she said that, because lately I felt like she didn't believe I was really trying to make some changes but simply couldn't, that something was holding me back no matter how hard I tried.

So for now the plan is to still look for a job, but she will also set me up with a social worker, to try and find me some housing options. I was reluctant, but now I realize that even though I may have a roof over my head, the environment is so toxic and that it is really harming me.

She also noticed how tired I am because I couldn't sleep lately, and that my mood is quite down. So even though she was always reluctant to give me any sleeping aids, she gave me a script for Remeron as a short term aid. Can't wait to try it tonight, even thougb I'm a bit scared of the side effects (mainly weight gain, but we've discussed it, and she'll give me something else if this doesn't work out).

Sorry to bother you with all of this, but I feel like so much happenned, and this session took a totally unexpected turn, I'm trying to process it all.