I had an interesting thing happen when I terminated therapy after 9 years back in 1987. I was terminating therapy because I was moving from the City to the suburbs over an hour away, changing jobs, leaving my apartment in the City where I had lived for 13 years, all my friends I'd made there, etc. My therapist and I only did a 2 week termination (like leaving a job :-) and away I went into the "new world". I did well there; I was moving in with my boyfriend whom I later married, the job went fine, I felt fine only there was one strange "problem" and it was like I was locked out of my insides. It was like stuff was going on underneath, a "party" so-to-speak but "I" was not invited I wasn't particularly unhappy, or anxious, or anything, was functioning as well as I ever had and "enjoying" my life but it was much much much more shallow than I had ever experienced and was very puzzling in that respect. It took me several years before I felt "Myself" again?

Then came 1996, when my world was crumbling too quickly. My father had died in 1992, my stepmother was rapidly getting extremely senile and unable to care for herself but was living alone and I had a stressful job as well as trying to help with my stepmother's care (thank goodness my stepsister is 13 years older than I am and it was her mother so she and a couple nieces were more involved than I had to be but there was a lot of guilt going on). We had to take my stepmother's car away from her and had to fly in my brother from Hawaii to do it (had to be a man :-) and after he left she would call and be abusive to my stepsister and myself on the phone constantly. The phone calls alone were stressful (she called me one day to ask where her shoes were! Surprisingly, I knew! I have a great sight memory so knew they were under her bed, she could not think to look there) and in-person was worse, with her often panicked when one tried to leave in the afternoon, making scenes in the apartment hallway calling, "Don't leave me!" pathetically, etc.

Anyway, I knew I needed therapy again but it had been a million years; I figured out how to "find" my old therapist and called her and started seeing her again in February of 1996 and therapy was wholly different "this" time. But after a few years I felt safe enough to explore the couple years worth of "deadness" after we had terminated and it was a sort of defense. I suspect the thinking and feelings you had around your first therapist were too much so your unconscious decided to forego that but you unconsciously, still, know that's what's going on so there's "something missing". Have you discussed the whole thing with this therapist? How you were painfully attached to the other but don't feel that way about her and it puzzles you?