I have only dull knives and scissors. I could use a cigarette but I feel more like a sharp object.

Why does this have to resurface? I did well for over a year. I became happy I have no new scars. They heal so long.
But am I bored?
Am I feeling too low, too ignored?
Or is this something entirely else?
It's so unnatural yet I want it so badly.

Sorry for the vent. It's kind of useless. But I can't wrap my head around it. Why?