Hello all--

Two years ago, I was diagnosed with MDD and put on Paxil. My mood improved with medication and therapy and I became a almost-normal member of society.

When I felt my mood dipping, my doc doubled my Paxil dosage. Within a month, I was suicidal and completely disfunctional. The last two weeks of December 2013, I slept a total of 13 hours and spent the rest of my time crying and thinking of ways to kill myself.

I voluntarily checked myself into a hospital over New Year's and I stayed there for eight days. During that time I received some really amazing therapy and the correct diagnosis of biopolar disorder.

Now I'm back to school (finishing my Master's in May), taking my medicine religiously, seeing a therapist once a week, and my psychiatrist every three weeks. I became very ill (physically) and was on bed rest for most of January and February. I have just been cleared to start exercising again.

This entire ordeal cost me so much--a romantic relationship (which is good, he's a bad person, but it still hurts), more medical bills than I care to admit, and a complete loss of my independent life. I'm now living my father and 23 year old brother out of necessity. Neither of them understand what I'm going through or want to educate themselves enough to really know. I think my mom and few friends are just tired. No one wants to deal with "crazy" me, so I have to pretend I'm okay all of the time.

When does feeling lonely stop? I feel like maybe they would have rather me kill myself a few months ago. I am NO longer suicidal, but these thoughts alone just suck.