I've known since I was small that something wasn't right, but didn't learn what it was until a couple of years ago. I remember having intrusive thoughts back when I was in elementary school, and distinctly recall wanting to die when I was 10. Then I had my first honest-to-goodness clinical depression at 13 after my grandmother died, and all I can remember of that time period is being taken to different doctors and being tried on different kinds of pills, which were never explained to me but which I later came to believe were psych meds.

Terrible post-partum depression with all five kids, with psychosis after the last one was born. Interspersed with these depressions were periods of normality, but also some really high-energy times when I did stupid and reckless things on impulse. I drank like a fish too, not always, but at least some of the time. I quit drinking at 33 and fought my moods tooth and nails for another 20 years until finally being diagnosed bipolar at 53.

That was a lot of years to go untreated, or treated wrongly (with antidepressants unopposed by a mood stabilizer), and I know I've suffered permanent damage because of it. But I'm a lot better now, even though I'm still rapid cycling despite meds and therapy. I've come a long, long way.