I remember first getting depressed at 12, I started self harming at 12 as well. Teens were a mess but its hard to figure out what was hormones and what was episodes, my memory is not good today. I was definitely hypomanic at 17, went between moods with suicide attempts, until a severe depression at 18 when I was first hospitalised and medicated. Few hypomanias since but a whole lot of depression and one mixed state.

Just wanted to add, I was also convinced I would die young. I was absolutely positive I would die by 21. When I didnt it was a big shock to me. I think it took years to adjust after that to live life as I was so convinced I would die early. I used to do reckless things as well, I was lucky I was never seriously hurt. (I suppose lucky is the word, right now I wish I died on my first attempt so I dont have to keep going through med changes and depression!)

Forgot to add, I have had self harm, suicide and violent intrusive thoughts since I was a child. I remember being terrified at the iceskating rink when I was 7 because all I could see was myself slicing my own fingers off, or purposely pushing someone and falling stomach first onto their skates. I didnt know they were intrusive thoughts until my 20's. I thought (and still do think) that I am evil for having the thoughts I do.