I went out with a bunch of people from work tonight, and I felt kind of like an outsider. Everyone was including me, but I felt awkward and quiet. I feel like my mental illness is a big secret, and it's on my mind a lot because I've been depressed. I let my fear of stigma keep me from being spontaneous and genuine with people, which leaves me feeling like I don't fit it. I feel so inhibited by my secret,and I used to be so relaxed and free. Plus everyone else was drinking, and I can't drink. If I could drink I probably wouldn't have felt so isolated. Parts of the night were fun, but for the most part it left me feeling inadequate and lonely. I used to be a fun person, now I'm stable, but boring. Now it's 3 am, and I'm wide awake and I don't want to take meds and go to sleep. So restless.