Hello mobjack, it's not up to your ex wife to diagnose you, nurse or not she isn't qualified to do so. You are right, illegal drug use can create havoc with your mental health. The 'manic' stage sounds like you got hooked into the religion thing. It does sound like depression more than anything but we can't diagnose on the internet. Depression can make us feel hopeless. I hope you will share more with us, welcome aboard!