I am sorry you were abused as you were. It will just eat you up inside if you don't get a doc or t or just a friend to talk to it about. I know the feeling, it grew and grew on me till i became sick, so i had to forgive some people but it was not easy. Don't compare yourself to others you have your own problems that you need to address for yourself and your own mental health. That is something i learned as i got older and if i didn't address it when i did i think i would be dead by now. I will pray for you and hope you can get over this positivaly.