Hi, first of all WELL DONE on stopping for over a year!!!!
Sometimes the urges to SI can come from nowhere, at any time, or even from some triggers so "small" you've barely noticed them. That doesn't mean you have to allow those urges to stay though. Perhaps have a think about what worked for you in managing them soon after you stopped, when I can guess they were really strong.
This period doesn't have to last forever, this period doesn't have to evolve the way it did before. Although I'm sure it can't be easy for you, you will have built up a lot of strength in the last year or so. Try to recognize and use that.
But can I ask if anything changed in your life lately to be causing you to feel down?? Maybe, anything you can address?? Or maybe you just need something to change in your life??
But we're here for you if you want to talk..............
You're not alone!!
Alison