UPDATE:
So, things have gotten a little worse since I last posted.
My mom called me, and my siblings, saying (that my dad told her to call, and that) they need to borrow money to pay some bills. I ended up telling her that I couldn't lend the money. Not sure what my siblings said but, none of us are really in the position to lend anyone money.
I called back to talk to my dad because, at this point I'm super frustrated. I felt like he's asking us for money but he's not doing
anything (that we know of) to support himself and mom, for a steady income. I have a right to step in and ask at this point, "well, what's going on", right???
So, I did. I called him up and asked what was going on. If he was looking for work or, had something lined up? And, as expected, he got on the defense, and put almost everything off on my mom. "Mom said this, and Mom said that". He said that she didn't want to be at home alone and wanted him to find something that he could do at home to make money. So, he's been "studying the lottery" for the last 5 years and plans to work a home-based lottery "business".
But, they need money to pay their bills NOW and for the next 6 months...6 MONTHS!!! He assured me that he's still doing contractor jobs on the side, and would pay us back with money from that. Still he has nothing lined up that he could tell me about during our 4 hour conversation, so I'm left to believe all he has is what he makes from the lottery.
He knew that I wasn't sold on the idea of the lottery, and told me that he felt insulted that I don't trust his judgement, as far as risks and business go, since he's been in business for himself all my 30-something yrs. that I've known him and I've yet to see him fail. He was certain – even though I never said a word about it – that I thought he'd fail.
I tried suggesting – a couple times – that he could find something part-time, so he's not gone all day from mom and they could at least have something steady coming in, while he's doing the lottery thing. And he gave me all kinds of excuses as to why a job wouldn't work. And he asked me, who would hire him with his heart condition and blah, blah, blah...
He said he felt insulted. That we shouldn't have to know "all his business" because, if he needed a loan from us, he wouldn't ask us "all our business" (what the money was for, our financial & work plans, etc.), he would just give us the money if he had it to give.
I told him to try and see it from our point of view. We're your kids. We know you're not working or trying to do anything job-wise to support yourself, but you're asking US for money to pay your bills?!? You have to be doing SOMETHING to help yourself first, and we don't see that.
His response was that he doesn't want to ask us for money, but my mom thought it was a good idea. HUH? WHAT?! I told him, Mom told me, personally, that she didn't want to call and ask us for money, but YOU (Dad) thought it was perfectly fine. So, who's telling tales?! My dad says it was all moms idea, and she says it was his.
I told him there is a lot of miscommunication going on. Mom tells me one thing. And, you say another. And then, he goes off on a tangent about my mom being an orphan and that she feels embarrassed talking about this money situation to her kids so she holds some things back from us that she'd otherwise tell him.
I feel like he’s not telling the whole truth, and putting things off on my mom so he can avoid taking responsibility. Because of course, he’s never wrong.
I don't know what else to say here...SIGH
Oh, I also talked to him about the house and how things are falling apart. That is where he and my mom are actually on the same page. I offered to help him fix the house (and the car) but, he – like my mom – doesn't want me to help them fix up the place. He said things aren't up to snuff right now because him and my mom were working on things together around the house until she started having trouble with her eyes. When she gets better, he said they'd resume their projects together. And, he didn't think it a good idea to work on the car alone either because, he’d have to jack the car up and get under it to fix it. He'd asked my uncle for help with that, but they had a few scheduling conflicts that prevented it from getting done.
I told him several times that I worried about them and that I – as well as my siblings –want them to be well, and happy, and have all that they want in life. He assured me he that he and mom weren’t miserable, like I think they are. He told me that he was indeed happy with his life. That he may not be living how
I want him to live and that's why I'm upset. While that's true, I still have a hard time believing him.
He told me that unless my mom and uncle want to move, he is fine staying in that house for the rest of his days. Then, I had to get off the phone. But, when we got back on he told me he talked to my mom, and she told him that she would want to move and get another building. So, he says that is a plan for them.
So, I guess something good came of the conversation (my mom telling him how she really feels)...it was an extremely hard conversation...I cried several times and thought I heard him choke up a couple times too.
Problem is, still, he’s not interested in working outside home and insistent on borrowing money right now from me, and my siblings. He repeatedly told me about setbacks and contractor jobs that he had planned that fell through. I told him that I understand that but, what are you going to do now and going forward? He assured me that he is still doing contract jobs and would pay us back with money from that. Not lottery money. He wants me to trust and have faith in him, but I don’t know…
I feel like giving him any money would help my parents financially, but in the long run, it wouldn’t really
help them.
I’m at a lost, again.