mmmmmmmm you wont like this post, my friends new I was mentally ill and I was the cool kid , because I would do anything dangerous and and was the funny guy when out my box on booze and adrenalin , manic days weeks infact. The I would disappear for days -weeks everyone new why and would ask about me. When I started taking Ativan I had some brilliant times and thought I was the happiest guy on earth, mix with alcohol and I was flying. Up DOWN UP DOWN and it still the same . Never had trouble pulling girls I was the fun guy to be with. I have kids 2 kids before 21 with encounters and have been in touch with both. My wife knows all this and I am still friends with many people, only I choose when I want to be social. MY illness wrecked my body with using drink to self medicate , I cannot drink now with ops on my body do to drink.MY wife an kids an grandkids have always loved me far more that I deserve and I love them. We plough on same old same old and know one ever mentions my mental illness friends, family, whoever. Its not cool to be mentally ill but I wonder if the normals get that great rush like we can when feeling good.