Thanks, justbeingme... I googled "detach with love" and there is lots of info out there and it is very helpful. The concept is familiar, and I have made efforts along those lines in the past. I've set boundaries that get crossed and then usually a cooling off period follows. I have let her know that I do not want to hear a word about him... he's 26 years older than she is and just ended his third marriage. He has "love bombed" her and she believes every single thing he says. She has never had a healthy romantic relationship.
I do not want to meet this man... the thought of him makes my skin crawl. I'm not usually immovable, but I feel I just cannot attend a wedding if there is one. She tells me she is happy but her actions and complaints about life in general don't support that statement. When my kids were younger I read Gibran's "About Children" to them... "your children are not your children, they are the sons and daughter's of life's longing for itself..." but it seems I cannot live up to that in this situation. She's desperate for a man's love, a family of her own, a home and she's about to turn 30. It's that this man appears to be a predator that scares me the most.....