Is it because you were not prepared or ready for the end of the relationship with him? It wasn't your choice? If it had been your decision, then likely you would not be going through this - did you ever break off with someone else? When you make the decision to break up, then it seems to be less of this searching for that ex-partner. So - come to terms with what has happened, to realize that you now face things on your own. And hopefully - find someone else, or something else.