I'm still feeling really bad about our session. Our topic was not about my T and me, although we've done that before. I've never felt it was a waste of time to discuss our relationship, and we've certainly dove in and done just that, although I'm not the best at being direct about it. But my dreams have helped us get there. No, this time it wasn't about us. I just feel we will never be the same after this, never as close as we were. I told him stuff I should have shared with him ages ago. It almost makes everything we've done up to this seem under false pretenses somehow. I feel really bad. I was really upset, so I called him today, which I have never ever done, except to cancel/change an appointment. I never contacted my first T either for anything other than that between appointments. So it was a very big deal for me to call him. I don't like being so needy to people. I left a message and he called back a few hours later. It wasn't a great call. He seemed distant. He said he guessed he had been kind of hard, but he wanted me to realize how serious this was. I said I did. He said he wouldn't do anything and he would see me next week.

I think everything between us is changed now. Bye to the Garden. I'm not sure what next week will bring. I guess I would just want to say to him, I am so sorry.