I can relate to the deeply engrained feelings of shame when you think about your past or are reminded by things that you've done and that have happened to you. But what I've realized through therapy is that you need to give yourself time to feel all that pain, but then give yourself even more time to focus on why it isn't your fault and why you don't deserve to be hurt and know that you were abused and no child deserves that.

You can't change your past, but you can create a better future for yourself. I admire your bravery.