I'm 17, and I still think about those things and worry about them for people I know that are getting older like my parents. Today a friend of mine passed away suddenly in a car wreck. He was also 17. I'm catholic but I drifted far away from my spirituality... thinking that maybe it wouldn't be so bad or unrealistic to just be nothing after you die. Just like sleeping with more commitment. But after Estevan died, I've been thinking today how great of a guy he was and how cruel it would be for him to not have something better waiting for him after his short, troubled life. For someone with lots of suicide attempts, it's weird for me to be scared of dying now that I'm better. No, I don't want to die! Not anymore! But I'm scared I've tampered with my life so much that if there is a God, there won't be much mercy in how I'm offed, or the timing of when it happens... I can relate. It's scary. But death is what all humans have in common. Perhaps there is an afterlife, maybe there isn't. If there is, I hope there are loved ones. And pets.