Yesterday in Therapy.... I found out some things about me that hurt... My therapist is so so good... she can really read me. She said that emotional and physical abuse is so hidden, and that I have little control of when some of the things come out. We have been working on Anxiety and Worry thoughts... I find it hard to think of alternative ways to stop the worry thoughts. This exercise is usually for singletons, but when you are a multiple you have the thoughts and feelings of everybody in your system. I have to almost be reprogrammed to think of things in different ways. My anxious/anger gets out of control without me even knowing it. I know when backed into a corner, I get irratable and red hot made. Mad enough that I could hurt someone or myself. All of my goodself goes into rage. I then isolate... and have thoughts of SI. It is so hard fighting for everyone. My depression hit after session yesterday. When in this mood I can spend a ton of money .... it is a instant high, then remorse, pain and suffering. I guess I will be in therapy for the duration of my life..... not seeing a end to the deep sadness and depression..... I could not sleep last night. My littles wanted to get up and eat. It is so hard with DID. .........