I have an irrational fear about pregnancy, and I don't know if I should seek help from a T for it. It's not an urgent matter because I'm young and I'm not even married yet, it's something that's really been bugging me.

I know that every single one of us is here because someone gave birth to us, so billions of mothers have given birth so it couldn't be as painful as I imagine, but I have such a low tolerance to pain, and most people I've talked to said it's the most painful experience they've ever gone through.

I'm bipolar, and my pdoc told me that if I become pregnant I have to quit the meds cold turkey. 9 months without meds plus hormones, plus irrational and possibly delusional or psychotic bipolar behavior. I could become suicidal while pregnant or have thoughts of hurting the baby. There's no room for "accidents", the meds could seriously hurt the fetus even in the first month of conception. There's also a chance I could pass on my bipolar gene to the baby, and if not, there's always a chance I could have another manic episode, and my baby will have to wonder why her mom can't recognize her or remember who she is.

My Dad's mom who gave me the bipolar gene was a horrible and delusional mother to my dad, and I'm afraid I'll end up the same way.

Is it so wrong to not want kids or would rather adopt because of this? I feel like I need to get over this fear, but pregnancy is right next to my fear of death. I imagine it as a nightmarish worst-case-scenario. I'd rather not carry a child.