lostmy...
it`s great you are trying not to!
the broblem is, however that sometimes somehting LIKE SI makes us want it more.

what about training?
do some physical acxercise that whould demand all your strangth. and then also your muscles may hurt.....
it`s a healthier way of "SI" but of cours eodn`t over do it,
i just know from my experiance that pysical excercies imrove you mood.

most important is...YOU MAY BE ON YOUR WAY OUT!
DONT GIVE UP don`t do it again!
i know it`s hard.
" life is hard. we have to be harder"
(james frey" million little peaces")