I think I've figured out why I never feel "heard" even though often I am…I'm someone who craves a lot of attention and "worship" for lack of a better word. That's probably why my dream job would be to be a rock star. I'm at least in music already, though more of the scholarly side for the time being…

I don't know why I need so much attention, but I do my hair, makeup (if I have time for makeup), choose my clothes, piercings, and future tattoos/piercings for the maximum amount of attention…even from complete strangers. I'm at a point where I'm afraid my desire to look different is going to separate me from academia, even though I'm a musician, so looking different makes sense.