Are you ok then to stay with your dad for the time being? Maybe at his place you can experience peacefulness, and then consider how you would like to organize your life, in order to look after your best interests. With time and space for you to consider what is important and valuable in your life, hopefully you will find the strength that is in you, to experience some balance in your life. And maybe too - to experience being cared for, appreciated. And then eventually to figure out what's happened concerning you and your mother - but not to allow her issues to disrupt your life and future. Hoping for you.