Dear, sweet Paynful....

I cannot tell you how often I see your lovely, positive posts....but feel the struggle that you hide.

Frequently, I wish I could sleep through the night and the day and the next night. I am not suicidal, rather I am SLEEPicidal......I want to be unconscious in order not to feel the pain of depression and the constant questioning that accompanies it.....

I don't try to DO any of the recommended things...I simply can't.

I watch a funny movie.....I play games online that make the hours pass quicker.....I take a bath (my guilty pleasure)....I try not to cry.

And, like you, I hope that tomorrow is better.

My own personal experience is that, even though I am out of the deep, dark well, my new "normal" is not static....but rather unpredictable and unexpected highs and lows.....If my lows dip beneath a certain point, then I am in a little trouble. But if not, I simply have to handle the down days as well as I can and then be grateful for any that are above average.

And that is a positive that I have found with depression....we all appreciate good days so much more than people "on the outside".

Hugs