Umoightknowme,
(cool username!)

i wanted to ask you: how much time passed?
the trouma of abuse is like a wound that takes time to heal.
i remember being impatient about all that..remember writing lyrics about how i was haunted by those hatefiul memories, being SICK of them, but sometiems impatiance makes things worse. we made things WORSE and "bigger" with our rejection. what i mean is, sometimes (most of times) we need to except reality as it is, and it helps a lot. "o.k so i have thios right now. i belive it`s only tempotaty". things like that help a lot moe tahn "fighting".
after you made this step you will cope with the feelings much esier.

by the way-
"I always hesitate to lead our discussion because he is the professional and knows how to help me."
-this may be wrong becasue when YOU lead the conversation the therapist knows better how ti help you!
i remember my concelour said "i go with you"
adn when she say there was something important she focused on it. sometiems we might think that it`s not important abd the T descovers it is, but only when we let ourselves say everything we can get to the point.

i hope this helps