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Originally Posted by badoutlook
I really like and respect my therapist. He is 27 and still in school to finish is masters. He is very handsome, smart, and charming. At least I think so. I'm wondering what is appropriate in a professional relationship. I know he tries to build my self esteem by saying that I'm very smart and saying I look nice here and there. But he has told me that he looks forward to Mondays and to our "little sessions" together on 3 different occasions now. It seems like a very sweet gesture. Then the next session he gets serious and usually brings papers and exercises to complete that seems like he's not present. I'm aware of transference so I don't tell him how much I enjoy him, even though I really like him as a person. I don't want him to get in trouble and I would never do anything to hurt him. But is it inappropriate? We are a lot alike and he has said that several times as well. Any advice or input will help. Thank you for your time
I did post this in the ASK section but it says it could take 2 weeks for a response. Plus id like to see how other clients therapists act. Thanks again
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Saying nice things to a client can be very helpful sometimes. It really depends on the situation. While it's your T's job to do the therapeutic thinking, you can certainly ask how he thinks this helps you and how come he's choosing compliments and positive feedback to help with your self-confidence (of course, if you do enjoy this treatment don't forget to add that it's okay and you like it or it helps you or whatever else you may feel - so that you don't give the wrong idea).
On the other hand, it's very important how he says these things. What is his tone of voice? What is your gut feeling about it? How come you're asking on the net whether it is appropriate - do you think it isn't? If you do, then maybe it is inappropriate for you. My T has told me numerous times things he likes about me and it does help me in a real way - I have made significant progress in some areas of my life, some of which is pretty directly related to his feedback - and it never feels inappropriate or like it has any ulterior motives other than my well being.
Yes, I suppose it could possibly be your transference. But it could be his. Or it could just be a good therapeutic relationship. Ask yourself this: does his feedback help you in your life? Do you feel good or uncomfortable when he talks to you this way? Trust yourself to know what's best for you, then let your T know.
Hope you can work this out.