I had to comment again before I dash out the door...

I'm a HUGE believer in penance.......I am not talking in a religious sense.....

I carry a lot of guilt around...for things that I should not feel any guilt about. (I can MAKE myself think I have done something) It gets bigger in my head, and it sounds to me that you might feel the same way.

So I atone for what I have done.....My atonement is my own...nobody tells me to do it and nobody knows I do it. It's between me and me.

I might volunteer to pick up trash on trash days.....I might buy a breakfast sandwich for the homeless guy on the corner.....I might simply do a chore around the house that I have been putting off.

Don't get the wrong idea...I am not a martyr and these are examples of stuff over many years and I haven't felt the need in over a year. Also I'm uncomfortable with recognition of generosity or kindness.....so it's between me and me.

But it helps and it's an idea you might want to consider.

ETA: It's more a way for me to keep a moral balance (less of an I'll do this because I did this" specifically) Just to clarify.